I had the opportunity to go to the annual conference of
AASECT, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and
Therapists in Austin, TX this past weekend. I had a great opportunity to
reconnect with colleagues, meet new ones, and expand my knowledge within the
wonderful field of sexuality. I observed many things at the conference, but
before I could even get off the airplane in Austin, God provided yet another
opportunity for me to learn something by watching simple things I tend to take
for granted.
My plane arrived in Austin, TX after a pretty decent flight and
as we sat on the tarmac for a moment, I could feel the temperature from outside
and tried to prepare myself for the heat I would soon experience. I had a
window seat, as I usually do, and was just sitting there, watching as
crewmembers on the tarmac unloaded our plane’s luggage. There was nothing
special about it until it clicked in my head that they were less than careful
with the bags. They’d grab them and just kind of toss them into the trams they
use to transport the bags from the plane to the baggage claim area. I made
myself look away, thinking that if I don’t watch them throw my bag, I won’t get
an unnecessary attitude. However, I couldn’t help but watch them. And I mean they
were throwing these bags. It didn’t matter what kind of luggage it was: Michael
Kors, Louis Vuitton, or my bright pink set I got from Macy’s several years ago.
Hey! That’s my bright pink suitcase! I’m thinking that maybe they won’t throw
it. ….but they do. They just throw it like it did something wrong to them. And
I noticed my bright pink suitcase was a bit dirtier than when I checked it.
Hmph. At least my luggage arrived in Austin the same time I did.
So what’s sexy about folks throwing my suitcase? Nothing.
But it does make me think about sex.
I didn’t date a whole lot. I had one serious boyfriend in
high school and one in adulthood that will become my husband in about three and
a half months. However, I did have “friends.” Y’all know what “friends” are,
especially the type that are in quotation marks. I had a few undefined
relationships that weren’t necessarily good for me, but I don’t regret them
because they taught me valuable lessons about myself and my luggage. No, not
baggage, but luggage.
I thought about how the luggage and handlers stood as
metaphors for something deeper. Often, we enter (and remain in) undefined
relationships where we are not clear of our expectations. Do I feel everything
needs a label? Absolutely not. However, I do think it’s important that
boundaries and goals are set and shared if a relationship, undefined or
otherwise, is to flourish. What am
I saying here?
To me, the luggage symbolizes your body, your temple. It
houses the Holy Spirit and hopefully the Word in your heart. However, if you
let just anyone handle it, they may not do so with care. Does that mean that
every person is the boogeyman and we should put up brick walls? No, no, no.
That’s definitely not what I’m trying to convey. But it does mean that you
should be careful about who you let handle your luggage.
What I realized is that the crewmembers had no investment in
my bright pink suitcase. They didn’t know (or care) who I was and, therefore,
weren’t really concerned about carefully handling my bag, keeping it nice and
clean. Their job was to just unload it from the plane, and load it onto the
tram. It was hot outside and they were just doing their job, so I’m not mad at
them and I promise, I’m over it. BUT, they illustrated how we sometimes put our
most valuable possession in the hands of people who don’t have our best
interest at heart.
Like I said, they weren’t more careful with the Louis
Vuitton luggage than they were with the Target specials. And sometimes, we
can’t help if we accidentally choose the wrong luggage handlers. However, I’ve
learned that people will treat you how you allow them to treat you. If you
notice that someone is not fully vested in you and you want a deeper
relationship, stop giving them your most sacred being. It’s okay to walk away when
you see that something isn’t working. It’s even better to do so before they
throw your luggage and possibly damage something. Once a suitcase is damaged,
sure it can be patched together with duct tape (because it fixes everything),
but it’s never the same. Stepping outside the metaphor, once you allow someone
into your sacred space, a little bit of them is left behind. Sure, you can
cleanse yourself of their “handprints” but that’s a process that probably won’t
be quick and easy. Anywho, just be careful out there girls and boys. Don’t be
so cautious that you’re a closed fist, but in being open, test the spirits to
see whether they are from God. And even if they are, make sure you give your
luggage to the right one; lost luggage is horrible to deal with.
Scriptural references:
I Corinthians 6:9 (Aramaic Bible in Plain English)
Do you not know that your body is the temple of The Spirit
of Holiness who dwells within you, whom you have received from God, and you are
not your own?
I John 4:1 (God’s Word Translation)
Dear friends, don’t believe all people who say that they
have the Spirit. Instead, test them. See whether the spirit they have is from
God, because there are many false prophets in the world.
