I was minding my own business when last night, one of my friend’s alerted me to a Facebook post by Dr. Nina Ellis-Hervey, widely known as Beautiful Brown Baby Doll (BeautifulBrwnBabyDol). She posted an honest question and asked for dialogue:
"Random thought: I'm not going to force my opinion on everyone, but the church should do better with discussing SEX. You see, I find that there are more teen pregnancies and more due to the lack of knowledge. To shame the act of sex, ignore it, or act like it doesn't exist puts people at more risk. Also I believe that you should wait until marriage, however, relaying the message that sex is just wrong, teaches nothing to ANYONE. Saying "Just don't do it" is lazy. Also, it seems that more people of the church have sexual dysfunction once they marry because they are forever, most since both, taught that it is wrong, but all of a sudden when married its considered right? Believe me there are so many people seeking therapy due to lack of arousal after marriage because they feel dirty or BAD about having sex even in matrimony. What are your thoughts on this? #life"
Posted Saturday, Febuary 1, 2014at 8:59pm
Quoted from Facebook
I appreciate her willingness to open a forum on the topic of sex and sexuality with an audience as wide as hers. By the time I read it, there were over 500 comments. I didn’t have the time or energy to review them all, but there was one person who stuck out to me. It appeared as though what she’d been taught about sex is that it is only for procreation and that it could have possibly been created by Satan. She also shared her opinion that pastors should not talk about sex and if her pastor discussed sex instead of salvation, she wouldn’t be pleased. There were others who were not coming from a Christian perspective but offered valuable insight nonetheless. It was an interesting dialogue to say the least.
I commented, not responding to any particular person, but I spoke about my work as a sex therapist and how important it is for faith communities to discuss sex and sexuality in a healthy way. Too often, people are given the message that sex is bad their entire lives until they’re married. Unfortunately, there’s not a magic switch the turns on and allows them to have healthy sex with their mates once they say, “I do.” I ended by saying that the comment thread reminded me of the work we have yet to do.
I have to apologize to you. I’ve neglected this forum while exploring other avenues to discuss sex and sexuality. However, I’ve been reminded of the importance of this work. I believe sex is a gift from God, not reserved only for procreation. However, so many deal with incorrect teaching that sets them up for challenges in their sexuality. I’d like this space to be a safe place where people can get correct and accurate information about sex and sexuality within a Christian context. I see that it’s still needed.
Thank you God for the reminder.