tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76999960031830417982024-03-13T16:30:32.592-07:00Sex for the SaintsThis is a gathering place for Christians to discuss love, relationships, and sexuality. Yes, Christians have sex too! Where do you think all these little Christians came from?De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-33666187839453022182014-02-02T12:20:00.002-08:002014-02-02T12:22:19.426-08:00So much work to do...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I was minding my own business when last night, one of my
friend’s alerted me to a Facebook post by Dr. Nina Ellis-Hervey, widely
known as <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Nina-BeautifulBrwnBabyDol-Ellis-Hervey/112749062070434">Beautiful Brown Baby Doll</a> (BeautifulBrwnBabyDol). She posted an honest
question and asked for dialogue:</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">"Random thought: I'm not going to force my opinion on everyone, but the church should do better with discussing SEX. You see, I find that there are more teen pregnancies and more due to the lack of knowledge. To shame the act of sex, ignore it, or act like it doesn't exist puts people at more risk. Also I believe that you should wait until marriage, however, relaying the message that sex is just wrong, teaches nothing to ANYONE. Saying "Just don't do it" is lazy. Also, it seems that more people of the church have sexual dysfunction once they marry because they are forever, most since both, taught that it is wrong, but all of a sudden when married its considered right? Believe me there are so many people seeking therapy due to lack of arousal after marriage because they feel dirty or BAD about having sex even in matrimony. What are your thoughts on this?</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/life" style="cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">#life</a>"</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Posted Saturday, Febuary 1, 2014at 8:59pm</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Quoted from Facebook</span></div>
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I appreciate her willingness to open a forum on the topic of
sex and sexuality with an audience as wide as hers. By the time I read it,
there were over 500 comments. I didn’t have the time or energy to review them
all, but there was one person who stuck out to me. It appeared as though what
she’d been taught about sex is that it is only for procreation and that it
could have possibly been created by Satan. She also shared her opinion that pastors
should not talk about sex and if her pastor discussed sex instead of salvation,
she wouldn’t be pleased. There were others who were not coming from a Christian
perspective but offered valuable insight nonetheless. It was an interesting
dialogue to say the least.</div>
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I commented, not responding to any particular person, but I
spoke about my work as a sex therapist and how important it is for faith
communities to discuss sex and sexuality in a healthy way. Too often, people
are given the message that sex is bad their entire lives until they’re married.
Unfortunately, there’s not a magic switch the turns on and allows them to have
healthy sex with their mates once they say, “I do.” I ended by saying that the
comment thread reminded me of the work we have yet to do.</div>
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I have to apologize to you. I’ve neglected this forum while
exploring other avenues to discuss sex and sexuality. However, I’ve been
reminded of the importance of this work. I believe sex is a gift from God, not
reserved only for procreation. However, so many deal with incorrect teaching
that sets them up for challenges in their sexuality. I’d like this space to be
a safe place where people can get correct and accurate information about sex and
sexuality within a Christian context. I see that it’s still needed.</div>
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Thank you God for the reminder.</div>
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<!--EndFragment-->De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-82616835698250760212013-10-15T08:20:00.001-07:002014-02-02T21:02:06.233-08:00Ask A Sex Therapist<div dir="ltr">
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Hey everyone! I'm doing some exciting things these days, including starting a vlog where I will answer all your questions related to sex and sexuality. Feel free to email me at AskASexTherapist@gmail.com and your questions could be featured in upcoming episodes. </div>
De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-21175716685640678142013-09-22T20:50:00.001-07:002013-09-22T20:50:32.210-07:00Masters of Sex<div dir="ltr">
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I am BEYOND excited for the new show, <i>Masters of Sex,</i> that debuts September 29th on Showtime. However, that day also marks our <b>one-year anniversary</b> (Woot!). I can't reasonably plan our day around a TV show, so I just expected to catch it On Demand at a later date until I came across the <b>ENTIRE</b> PREMIER EPISODE<b> </b>on Facebook. Geeked is an understatement of what I felt as I watched.</div>
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My excitement about this show stems from its subject matter. Masters of Sex is based on the biography of the same name written by Thomas Maier about William Masters and Virginia Johnson. The Masters and Johnson research team pioneered in the field of sexology; William Masters was a physician in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at Washington University in St. Louis and Virginia Johnson was hired as his research assistant. Together, they created a model for the human sexual response and worked together to further develop the diagnosis and treatment of sexual disorders and dysfunctions from 1957 to 1994. A lot of knowledge we take for granted (i.e. that women are multiorgasmic, sometimes fake orgasms, etc.) was shared by this pair. The research they produced also debunked the 1758 assertion that masturbation causes blindness, the 19th century thought that sex for pleasure would ruin the body, and Freud's belief that clitorally induced pleasure probably revealed unresolved psychological problems. </div>
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Additionally, I have benefited in many ways by their work. The first book I ever read about sexology was written by Masters and Johnson. Also, my sex therapy supervisor, <a href="http://www.sextherapiststlouis.com/">Linda Weiner, LCSW</a>, worked at the Masters and Johnson Institute (so I can say I'm trained by Masters and Johnson by proxy. ...kinda. No, not really. Anyway...)</div>
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The contributions of Masters and Johnson are significant in that they worked to bring science into the bedroom. ... or brought sex into the laboratory. Either way, they revolutionized the way we think about and study sex and sexuality and I am super excited about this show!</div>
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Links About <i>Masters of Sex</i>:</div>
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<a href="http://www.sho.com/sho/masters-of-sex/home">Showtime's Page for Masters of Sex</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CO7JI8M/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_2?pf_rd_p=1535523722&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0465020402&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0EEAYSHTAYPNFC64K04Q">Buy the book on Amazon.com</a></div>
De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-23078614518234001402013-09-17T20:31:00.000-07:002013-09-17T20:31:03.154-07:00Mood Music...I love Internet Radio. Pandora and Spotify make my workdays just a wee bit easier. I can design a station based on my favorite artist, comedian, or even a favorite song and have hours upon hours of great music (or comedy) to fill my day. At home, we often listen to both platforms (I have a pretty <i>dangerous</i> playlist on Spotify called Groove if you follow me there) but it's interesting what comes on the radio. ...which leads me to a question I was asked a little while ago:<br />
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"How do you handle having sex while listening to the radio when the music switches to a Gospel song?"<br />
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I have to admit that, at first, I did chuckle a bit because this has happened on a few occasions. You're listening to your Jill Scott station at work and a Fred Hammond joint slides through. You hit like because it's your jam and you think nothing of it. ...until you're grooving to Crown Royal on Ice while hands are on hips and you're acting out the other lyrics and Imagine Me by Kirk Franklin pops on. Awkward can't quite describe the feeling.<br />
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This question was asked by a married woman who said she discussed this topic with her husband, so let's take it from the perspective of a married couple having sex and a Gospel song comes through the speakers when it wasn't exactly time for Praise and Worship. How do you handle it?<br />
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First, know that it's okay to laugh. It's okay to look at each other with that, "I wasn't thinking about Shirley Caesar" look in your eyes and laugh. It's also okay to hit skip or, if you're not listening to one of the above platforms, change the station. If you're not comfortable, don't feel bad about it, but just shake it off and count it as an opportunity to laugh and grow.<br />
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However, if you're not comfortable and it's more than something you can just laugh off, I think it's important to explore reasons why. In Christianity, God has been taken out of sex for the most part. Christians are not taught to pray before sex or even think about God outside of the occasional exclamation in varying forms of "Oh God!" which are generally accepted. However, our sexuality is, in fact, a gift from God. I believe God wants us to enjoy sex within loving, healing relationships. However, if we experience feelings of guilt or shame when a Gospel song comes on, what do you think it stems from?<br />
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Because of Jesus' sacrifice, we're free from guilt and shame. However, when we share ourselves, our most sacred being, with people who don't treasure us, we deny ourselves the opportunity to experience God's true design for sex. If a situation like this ends up being more than something you can shake off, I think it's important to ask yourself why and not be afraid of the answers.<br />
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So, what do you do when Albertina Walker creeps in on your R&B station? Honestly, if you're sharing yourself with someone who truly values you and God is glorified (yes, God can be glorified in <b>everything</b> we do), press skip and keep the party going.<br />
<br />De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-41979096572914556282013-08-27T00:34:00.003-07:002013-08-27T00:34:21.265-07:00Christian Swingers?!These past few weeks have felt like a marathon. I drove down to Atlanta with my sister to get her set up at Gammon Theological Seminary (Hey Boo!), flew back, had step practices, and came together with my family as we grieved the loss of my uncle, Ronald "King Omowale" Pittman. Tired is an understatement. However, Wednesday, two friends shared the same site with me and I took that as a sign that I needed to write about it.<br />
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ChristianSwingers.com<br />
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Yep, you read that right. Christian Swingers. What's even better is their description:<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #50544e; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">For Christian Swingers things are not easy – often other religious people judge you, out of ignorance or envy, telling you that your lifestyle and love practices are wrong. But the Bible teaches us ‘Judge not lest ye be judged’ and there’s that verse about the first stone… but if you’re keen on keeping your privacy, well – yours, and don’t want your friends, coworkers, other PTA members or just about anyone else to know that you don’t have a problem with faith and enjoying free love with other couples, this sitecan help you! It’s designed to cater to the needs of those like you: devout Christian couples who still want to have an active love life and share it with another, in good faith!</span></blockquote>
The bible in a paragraph: why didn't I think of that!?!<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #50544e; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Skip the swingers’ club and meetings where you can be seen and avoid bad reputation – your personal life is something shared between you and our partner; other couples willing to join you are probably having the same problems. Visiting this site might change your life for the better and increase the number of your potential dating partners – a few simple steps in the registration process will open up a whole new virtual world of possibilities! Since privacy is an issue here, you can still choose to remain anonymous until you decide to trust someone enough to share such personal information – something that’s not possible in classic swingers’ meetings and clubs, which might even lean towards openness and promotion is this lifestyle. Visit our club and discover other Christian couples with the same interests and desires who find you hot - Christian Swingers website will make your life easier and give you more access to potential dating partners!</span></blockquote>
<i>Taken from ChristianSwingers.com 8/27/13</i><br />
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Of course I joined and created a profile. Research, right?<br />
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I only signed up for the free membership which doesn't allow you to do much of anything but browse the few (I counted seven) profiles on the site (and I question their authenticity). You can't contact members or even view their pictures/videos except the thumbnails available for preview.<br />
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Aside from the poor writing in the description of the site on the publicly accessible page, there's not much to it as far as I can see. No, I didn't purchase full access, but when I searched for people in my area, there was no one within 100 miles of my zip code. I also took issue with the language used in the people search. You can choose categories, i.e. I'm <b>couple</b> looking for a <b>couple</b>. The issue I had was the other categories listed: male, female, transsexual, crossdresser, group (more than 2), gay couple, lesbian couple. As far as I knew, and I could be wrong, <i>transsexual </i> and <i>crossdresser </i> are antiquated terms that many find offensive. Then again, this site doesn't strike me as the type that would be overly absorbed with inclusive language. Also, the site was full of ads for pornographic websites and flashing web links that promised free webcam videos and the like. Nah, I'll pass.<br />
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My overall assessment is that this website simply exists to cause a stir and make money. Of course people will check it out simply because of the title. I checked it out and I'm not interested in swinging. It was for research, remember?<br />
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I'm not even going to go into the theological reasons as to why ChristianSwingers.com is just odd. I think they do enough of that for you. However, just remember that when you allow others to worship in your temple, they leave footprints, whether good or bad.De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-5856702941673730262013-05-30T21:54:00.000-07:002013-06-05T21:27:14.653-07:00Give Yourself A Hand<div>
Can you believe it's the end of May already? And we haven't even celebrated around these parts! Cinco de Mayo? No, but May has been named National Masturbation Month! Go ahead and give yourself a hand.</div>
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Masturbation is something I'm often asked about. So many wonder if it's a sin to pleasure yourself since there are so many mixed messages given in faith communities and on the Internet. I used to seriously struggle with this answer until I came across an interesting Bible study that gave a pretty cool perspective.<br />
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It explained that the Bible does not directly talk about masturbation, good or bad, so it's difficult to draw conclusions on what "thus saith the Lord." What they did say, however, is that it is a gift. Masturbation gives you the ability to quench your thirsts without falling into sin or causing anyone else to fall either. They do caution, however, against using "perverted" imagery to either cause arousal or climax. Also, it's important that masturbation is simply a part of your sexual expression, not something that becomes a compulsion or ends up interfering with your everyday activities. As with anything, moderation is key. If you find that you cannot function without partaking in a specific activity (be it masturbating or using substances), it's a good idea to seek professional help.</div>
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So there you have it. Is masturbation a sin? Absolutely not. However, it's important that you understand why so many caution against it. I believe people speak against masturbation because they're afraid people will become bound to it. Will some people? Possibly, but it doesn't make the practice evil.</div>
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Also, it's important to understand your body and know what pleases you. <b>YOU</b> are responsible for your orgasm. Yes, even in partnered sex. <b>You are responsible</b>. I think it's unfair to blame another person for your dissatisfaction. Are there horrible sex partners? Of course. However, it's important that you educate yourself on your own body so you can guide your partner in pleasing you.</div>
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Enjoy the rest of the month!</div>
De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-15269287231260301572013-05-28T20:21:00.000-07:002013-05-29T16:24:51.089-07:00Don't Try This At Home<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a2c4c9;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a2c4c9;">I’m not a porn connoisseur, but I understand that many people may view pornographic videos to get ideas on how to spice things up in the bedroom. Yes, I'm a Christian and no I don't believe that all material seen as pornographic is essentially evil. HOWEVER, I am wise enough to know that you should not try everything you see in these videos, no matter how the participants seem to enjoy themselves. Also, it's important to realize that most of these videos show things that "look" good, not necessarily feel good to the participants, but let's save that for another post.</span><br />
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A few weeks ago, I came across an article on The Huffington Post where they described a man who had to have a 20-inch eel surgically removed. He watched a video where someone put an eel in their anus for sexual gratification and decided to try this for himself. Apparently, things didn’t go as planned. The eel ended up chewing through his large intestine and was found in his body cavity trying to find a way out. The eel was still alive when the surgical team removed it, but died a short time later. I believe the man will possibly face animal cruelty charges.</span><br />
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Oddly enough, this is not the first eel extraction recorded.</span><br />
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Ladies and Gentleman, this post is not to discourage you from watching videos to get ideas on enhancing your sexual experiences. Also, this post is not aimed at discouraging anal sex. However, it’s important that you’re realistic in the things you decide to try. Here are some questions to ask yourself or your partner:</span><br />
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<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a2c4c9;">Could this end in death, dismemberment, or a quick trip to the emergency room?</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a2c4c9;">Will I and/or my partner enjoy it?</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a2c4c9;">Why am I doing this in the first place?</span></li>
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Honestly, I encourage people to think outside the box and have fun in the bedroom (or kitchen, or…you get the idea). On the other hand, it’s important that in exploring those boundaries, you establish safety and set yourself up for a great experience and not a medical emergency. If things don’t pan out exactly as they did in the video, shake it off. Learn from the missteps and laugh. Sex doesn’t have to be serious. Have fun! But don’t stick animals up your anus; it might not end well.</span></div>
De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-22269073750508506772013-01-21T19:08:00.000-08:002013-01-21T19:08:29.804-08:00In Search of the Perfect Vulva<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The Perfect Vagina</div>
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WARNING: MATURE CONTENT MATTER. THIS VIDEO CONTAINS NUDITY AND SHOWS IMAGES FROM A LABIAPLASTY</div>
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I came across this documentary on a list serve a few months back, but didn't have time to watch it at that moment. However, as luck would have it, I came across it again with lots of time on my hands. I got myself comfortable in our office as the hubs watched the NFC and AFC championship games in the living room. Can you imagine the look on his face when he popped his head in and saw a glimpse of the surgery? Anywho, I felt this documentary was well-done and gave perspective on the motivation behind labiaplasty as the documenter, Lisa Rogers, hoped to influence other women to love themselves the way they are instead of altering their "fannies."<br />
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I myself have never had insecurities regarding the appearance of my vulva. The correct term of the female genitalia is <b>vulva</b> whereas <i>vagina</i> is only a part of it. I can thank my mother for my confidence. Before getting married last September, I lived in a house with two other women (my mom and sis) and we walked around naked all the time. Sure, we covered up in the winter or when company came over, but we were taught at an early age to not be ashamed of how we look, to be comfortable in our own skin. And before you ask (or think for that matter), there was nothing sexual about it. If we were going from our rooms to the shower or getting an item of clothing from another part of the house, it just wasn't a big deal if we didn't have our clothes on. AND my mom never made us feel bad for how we looked. I don't know; I think it was a pretty cool thing. However, as I grow as a therapist, I learn that so many people had distinctly different experiences. Not everyone can walk around their homes "buckin' naked," partly because they may have been teased about bodily imperfections by relatives. I have a co-worker with large breasts who told me her mother teased her often about them. She researched having a breast reduction, not because their weight produced back strain, but to reduce the negative attention she received from her family. Then along came a boy who told her she was pretty and, well, that'll be a story for another day.<br />
<br />
Although this documentary was filmed in the UK and released in 2008, labiaplasty is a booming business in the United States. There are several cosmetic surgeons with flourishing practices who only focus on this procedure. The way some view labiaplasty is the same way some people view braces: "I have an imperfection I'd like to fix." As someone who experienced "Brace Face" as an adult, I can understand this perspective. Braces were painful. I mean, seriously. And the recovery from labiaplasty is no crystal stair. However, the fact that remains that there's a <i>perceived</i> imperfection that women feel the need to fix.<br />
<br />
...and I think that's my biggest issue. Women don't really <i>see</i> their vulvas unless they're trying to. If you stand naked in a mirror while dressing, you won't see the inner workings unless you're making an effort to do so. Because of this, I think so many women aren't able to feel comfortable with what they have and only compare their vulvas to the perfect, airbrushed examples they see in porn. Also, most women aren't told their vulvas will change with sexual activity or with childbirth and when this happens, they're thrown for a loop with imperfect parts, not realizing the breadth of variety of vulvas.<br />
<br />
While watching this documentary, I instantly thought about Psalm 139 where David praises God for making him so wonderful. Conceited? Absolutely not! Think about it; if God made us in His image (male and female), and we're acknowledging His wonderful creation, isn't that an act of praise to God? When we were fashioned, all our parts were made special and magnificent. Yep, those parts too. And to change your vulva into something that looks prepubescent is almost disrespectful.<br />
<br />
I know people will continue to compare labiaplasty to braces or other cosmetic surgeries. However, I think it speaks to a deeper issue of self-worth that surgery alone can't fix. Yes, this surgery has changed the lives of many women. However, are they completely happy with themselves? Or have they valued the wonderful creation they are?<br />
<br />
Questions, questions, and more questions. One thing is for sure. I love me, all of me, and I hope you love you too.<br />
<br />
Scriptural References:<br />
Psalm 139:13-16 MSG "Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God - you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration - what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like and open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived on day."<br />
<br />
Psalm 139:14 AMP "I will confess <i>and</i> praise You for <i>You are fearful and wonderful and</i> for the awful wonder of my birth! Wonderful are Your works, and that my inner self knows right well."<br />
<br />
Psalm 139:14 NIV "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-5961408432573145002012-11-01T21:42:00.002-07:002012-11-02T04:52:19.273-07:00Rolling Hills and Other Things...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/nTjORGx8-Ag?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
I like to people watch. Voyeurism? Naw, let's just call it people watching. I love to study how and why people do what they do. What's their motivation? And what could provoke change?<br />
<br />
I was driving to work a while ago and although I consider myself a pretty good driver, I still look at folks while driving, but I limit it to stop lights so I don't get into any accidents. So I'm driving down Kingshighway near St. Louis Ave. (in St. Louis, MO) and I see a group of young women who have amazing bodies. I mean, the Commodores sang songs about these girls. The three of them all had on waist-length shirts and leggings which explains how I could easily see their physiques. And as I saw these girls cross the street---as I saw their faces, I realized they were a bit younger than what their bodies communicated---the first thing that popped in my head was this song. If you're not familiar with Jill Scott's lyrics, here ya go:<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Maybe you don't recognize what you got between ya thighs, come on<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />So I'm gonna set you right<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />And I'm starting here tonight well<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Shine like the moon<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />And strong like the sea<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />More expensive than money, more valuable than anything<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Juicy mango summer peach<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Make a lame man walk and a full man hungry<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />And if you don't know what I'm saying then baby I'm telling you<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />There's power in them rolling hills, come on<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />You're a prize possession, not everybody's worthy<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Only reason I know is cause I headed down that road<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />And it'd be a shame for you not to have your own glow, Come on</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Maybe you don't recognize what you got between your eyes<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />So I'm gonna set you correct so you can get what you should get<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Intuition's something sweet<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Let you know what you know, let you find before you seek<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Spirit of discernment, pray for it everyday<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Let you know who should go and who you should let stay</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
So there it is. There's power in them rolling hills. I think too often, women underestimate the power they possess. Maybe we don't realize that the same Power that created the universe is the Power that resides in us. Scripture reminds us that we are a temple of the Holy Spirit. And if we believe in the triune God, then that same exact God is within us. But we don't always act like it.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that women should wear sheath dresses that don't touch anything. Trust, all my clothes touch me! However, there's a difference in wearing something because you're confident and comfortable in your own sexual self versus wearing something to gain acceptance. I see so many women who easily share themselves, not for their own sexual satisfaction, but to gain acceptance, a semblance of love, or anything else, tangible or otherwise. And when they don't receive it, they're left feeling depleted as though power has left them.<br />
<br />
It's like letting someone use your electricity. I'm not saying <i>I've</i> experienced this, but I've <i>heard</i> of neighbors running extension cords if their electricity is cut off. However, at the end of the month, after that neighbor gets their power and no longer needs your charge, you're left with a bill. ...and it's like that with sex. If you allow people into your temple to recharge but there's no deposit, you're left depleted with a "bill" of emotions that needs to be settled/reconciled.<br />
<br />
So how do we proceed? Simply put: get connected to the Source, stay connected, and realize the Power that works within you. There's power in them rolling hills.<br />
<br />
Scriptural references:<br />
I Corinthians 6:9 (Aramaic Bible in Plain English) Do you not know that your body is the temple of The Spirit of Holiness who dwells within you, whom you have received from God, and you are not your own?<br />
<br />
Ephesians 3:20 (New King James Version) Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-27041364443467585102012-08-27T00:29:00.000-07:002012-08-27T00:29:17.223-07:00Two Virgins?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
I like @KevOnStage. His videos are generally pretty hilarious (Check out thePlaymakers1 on YouTube). Also, I appreciate his candid answer to this question.<br />
<br />
So I've heard lots of opinions about this topic, and what I generally hear from men and women vary. From most women, I hear they don't want to marry a virgin because they feel their skill level may not be up to par. On the other hand, I hear men say they don't necessarily have to marry a virgin, but they don't want a woman that is <i>too</i> experienced. So is there a happy medium or a <a href="http://sexforthesaints.blogspot.com/2012/04/number.html">magic number</a>?<br />
<br />
Honestly, I think two virgins (or people who don't have much sexual experience, even though they may have had sex) can get married and have fulfilling sex lives. This could provide a great opportunity to learn about each other and what truly pleases your partner and yourself. I mean, really, even if you know all the tricks of the trade, your husband or wife may need different tricks to satisfy them and you'll be starting from where they are anyway.<br />
<br />
So yes, I think two virgins getting together and learning about sex <b>together</b> can be a great thing. Does it happen often in our society? Probably not, but I still think it's an opportunity people too readily dismiss.De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-4048202290072857942012-06-11T16:27:00.000-07:002012-06-11T16:27:03.106-07:00Luggage and Sex<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I had the opportunity to go to the annual conference of
AASECT, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and
Therapists in Austin, TX this past weekend. I had a great opportunity to
reconnect with colleagues, meet new ones, and expand my knowledge within the
wonderful field of sexuality. I observed many things at the conference, but
before I could even get off the airplane in Austin, God provided yet another
opportunity for me to learn something by watching simple things I tend to take
for granted.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My plane arrived in Austin, TX after a pretty decent flight and
as we sat on the tarmac for a moment, I could feel the temperature from outside
and tried to prepare myself for the heat I would soon experience. I had a
window seat, as I usually do, and was just sitting there, watching as
crewmembers on the tarmac unloaded our plane’s luggage. There was nothing
special about it until it clicked in my head that they were less than careful
with the bags. They’d grab them and just kind of toss them into the trams they
use to transport the bags from the plane to the baggage claim area. I made
myself look away, thinking that if I don’t watch them throw my bag, I won’t get
an unnecessary attitude. However, I couldn’t help but watch them. And I mean they
were throwing these bags. It didn’t matter what kind of luggage it was: Michael
Kors, Louis Vuitton, or my bright pink set I got from Macy’s several years ago.
Hey! That’s my bright pink suitcase! I’m thinking that maybe they won’t throw
it. ….but they do. They just throw it like it did something wrong to them. And
I noticed my bright pink suitcase was a bit dirtier than when I checked it.
Hmph. At least my luggage arrived in Austin the same time I did.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So what’s sexy about folks throwing my suitcase? Nothing.
But it does make me think about sex.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I didn’t date a whole lot. I had one serious boyfriend in
high school and one in adulthood that will become my husband in about three and
a half months. However, I did have “friends.” Y’all know what “friends” are,
especially the type that are in quotation marks. I had a few undefined
relationships that weren’t necessarily good for me, but I don’t regret them
because they taught me valuable lessons about myself and my luggage. No, not
baggage, but <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">luggage</i>. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thought about how the luggage and handlers stood as
metaphors for something deeper. Often, we enter (and remain in) undefined
relationships where we are not clear of our expectations. Do I feel everything
needs a label? Absolutely not. However, I do think it’s important that
boundaries and goals are set and shared if a relationship, undefined or
otherwise, is to flourish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What am
I saying here?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To me, the luggage symbolizes your body, your temple. It
houses the Holy Spirit and hopefully the Word in your heart. However, if you
let just anyone handle it, they may not do so with care. Does that mean that
every person is the boogeyman and we should put up brick walls? No, no, no.
That’s definitely not what I’m trying to convey. But it does mean that you
should be careful about who you let handle your luggage. </div>
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What I realized is that the crewmembers had no investment in
my bright pink suitcase. They didn’t know (or care) who I was and, therefore,
weren’t really concerned about carefully handling my bag, keeping it nice and
clean. Their job was to just unload it from the plane, and load it onto the
tram. It was hot outside and they were just doing their job, so I’m not mad at
them and I promise, I’m over it. BUT, they illustrated how we sometimes put our
most valuable possession in the hands of people who don’t have our best
interest at heart.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Like I said, they weren’t more careful with the Louis
Vuitton luggage than they were with the Target specials. And sometimes, we
can’t help if we accidentally choose the wrong luggage handlers. However, I’ve
learned that people will treat you how you allow them to treat you. If you
notice that someone is not fully vested in you and you want a deeper
relationship, stop giving them your most sacred being. It’s okay to walk away when
you see that something isn’t working. It’s even better to do so before they
throw your luggage and possibly damage something. Once a suitcase is damaged,
sure it can be patched together with duct tape (because it fixes everything),
but it’s never the same. Stepping outside the metaphor, once you allow someone
into your sacred space, a little bit of them is left behind. Sure, you can
cleanse yourself of their “handprints” but that’s a process that probably won’t
be quick and easy. Anywho, just be careful out there girls and boys. Don’t be
so cautious that you’re a closed fist, but in being open, test the spirits to
see whether they are from God. And even if they are, make sure you give your
luggage to the right one; lost luggage is horrible to deal with.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Scriptural references:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I Corinthians 6:9 (Aramaic Bible in Plain English)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you not know that your body is the temple of The Spirit
of Holiness who dwells within you, whom you have received from God, and you are
not your own?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I John 4:1 (God’s Word Translation)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear friends, don’t believe all people who say that they
have the Spirit. Instead, test them. See whether the spirit they have is from
God, because there are many false prophets in the world.</div>
<!--EndFragment-->De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-11498358231380752622012-04-12T17:46:00.001-07:002012-04-12T17:48:15.065-07:00The Number<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 45.0pt 116.0pt;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/MznvuZViIYw" width="560"></iframe></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 45.0pt 116.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yeah, the number. I remember when I first saw this webisode.
I thought it was hilarious and laughed out loud. I viewed all the episodes,
watching the development of the story and subscribed to Black and Sexy TV on
YouTube. They have a really funny show called The Couple, yet I digress.
Anyway, when I showed this show to my fiancé, he didn’t find it so funny. If
anyone knows me, they know I’m pretty liberal in my opinions about things,
specifically sexuality, and can be pretty strong in my opinions. So we spoke
about it for a moment and ended the conversation…still engaged. But in all
seriousness, we discussed a lot of issues regarding stereotypes and if the
Melissa’s number had been lower than the Jason’s, there may not have been such an
issue (and this show, not as funny). I’m always one to challenge stereotypes,
but that’s not what we’re going to do today in this here blog. What I want to
explore is if it’s important to share your number of past sexual partners with
your mate.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I was thinking about this, I decided to make a pros and
cons list, just to see something concrete. I even asked friends their opinions.
Here’s what I came up with:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="left" border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoTableGrid" style="border-collapse: collapse; border: none; margin-left: 6.0pt; margin-right: 6.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-insideh: .5pt solid windowtext; mso-border-insidev: .5pt solid windowtext; mso-padding-alt: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-table-anchor-horizontal: page; mso-table-anchor-vertical: paragraph; mso-table-left: 1.55in; mso-table-lspace: 9.0pt; mso-table-rspace: 9.0pt; mso-table-top: 5.4pt; mso-yfti-tbllook: 480;">
<tbody>
<tr style="mso-yfti-firstrow: yes; mso-yfti-irow: 0;">
<td style="border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 221.4pt;" valign="top" width="221"><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-element-anchor-horizontal: page; mso-element-anchor-vertical: paragraph; mso-element-frame-hspace: 9.0pt; mso-element-left: 111.65pt; mso-element-top: 5.4pt; mso-element-wrap: around; mso-element: frame; mso-height-rule: exactly; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Pros<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 221.4pt;" valign="top" width="221"><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-element-anchor-horizontal: page; mso-element-anchor-vertical: paragraph; mso-element-frame-hspace: 9.0pt; mso-element-left: 111.65pt; mso-element-top: 5.4pt; mso-element-wrap: around; mso-element: frame; mso-height-rule: exactly; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Cons<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 1;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 221.4pt;" valign="top" width="221"><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-element-anchor-horizontal: page; mso-element-anchor-vertical: paragraph; mso-element-frame-hspace: 9.0pt; mso-element-left: 111.65pt; mso-element-top: 5.4pt; mso-element-wrap: around; mso-element: frame; mso-height-rule: exactly;">
Safety—I’d
want to know the number of sexual partners my mate’s had so I can gauge my
possible exposure to STIs.</div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 221.4pt;" valign="top" width="221"><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-element-anchor-horizontal: page; mso-element-anchor-vertical: paragraph; mso-element-frame-hspace: 9.0pt; mso-element-left: 111.65pt; mso-element-top: 5.4pt; mso-element-wrap: around; mso-element: frame; mso-height-rule: exactly;">
Knowing
the number of past lovers may change your opinion of your partner.</div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 2; mso-yfti-lastrow: yes;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 221.4pt;" valign="top" width="221"><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-element-anchor-horizontal: page; mso-element-anchor-vertical: paragraph; mso-element-frame-hspace: 9.0pt; mso-element-left: 111.65pt; mso-element-top: 5.4pt; mso-element-wrap: around; mso-element: frame; mso-height-rule: exactly;">
Full
disclosure—You won’t have to worry about holding anything back from your
partner if everything is on the table. Now, I didn’t say you should give
names, but I think a number is okay.</div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 221.4pt;" valign="top" width="221"><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-element-anchor-horizontal: page; mso-element-anchor-vertical: paragraph; mso-element-frame-hspace: 9.0pt; mso-element-left: 111.65pt; mso-element-top: 5.4pt; mso-element-wrap: around; mso-element: frame; mso-height-rule: exactly;">
Will
the new partner start to compare themselves to past loves? Well, maybe I
shouldn’t give this information if it’s not pertinent….</div>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What are some others?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Personally, I feel it’s a good idea to share information.
For some people, it may be devastating to learn a specific number. Is the number
itself important? Eh. For me, I’d like to know, but it may not be necessary for
everyone in every relationship; it’s just my personal preference. What I <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">do</b> think is <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">mandatory</b> is getting tested for STIs (sexually transmitted
infections). Whether you’ve had sex with one person or fifty people, you may
have been exposed to various illnesses, especially if you did not utilize safer
sex practices (latex condoms/barrier methods for intercourse and oral sex) in <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">every</b> sexual encounter. AND even with
safer sex practices, there’s still the possibility of exposure to other
infections such as Herpes. Now, let’s get real. In previous posts, we’ve
explored why God designed sex for marriage, so I won’t go into that here.
However, research shows us that abstinence only sex education is not effective
because those who chose to have sexual experiences before entering a marriage
covenant may not know about safer sexual practices and then expose themselves
to STIs and unwanted pregnancy. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now let’s think about it: if you’re planning to spend the
rest of your life with someone, you obviously love and care deeply for that
person. Don’t you want to give them the best you possible? Don’t you want to
shield them from harm if possible? Point blank: get tested. Know your status
and don’t compromise. If you’ve had sex (including oral, anal, and other forms
of foreplay), g’on ahead and get tested. Insist your partner does as well. Hey,
go get tested together! No, it’s not a romantic date, but it’s an opportunity
to truly show your love for someone. Getting tested says, “I love you so much
that I don’t want to give you any diseases.” And even more, it says, “I love me
so much that I want to know my status.” And y’all know I’m all about loving
yourself.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-52864402132375502492012-02-14T14:43:00.000-08:002012-02-14T15:01:14.866-08:00What I Think of St. Valentine's DayEh, I’m not a fan. I know, I know, you probably expected something different. I’m in love, nose wide open as one of my friends calls it, and engaged and I’m not a fan of V-Day. Strange, huh? Well, I don’t think so.
Growing up, my mother always made February 14th special. When my sister and I woke up to get ready for school, we always had some type of chocolate candy and a card, generally signed “Love, Mama.” This was my constant Valentine. I might not have received any expressions of affection from a boy, but I always left the house knowing I was loved. Then I’d get to school. In high school, the choir had a Valentine’s Day fundraiser where they’d sell balloons, candy, etc. and deliver them to the desired recipient in class. And these were BIG gifts. We’re talking bundles of balloons (or at least a really big one) and stuffed animals of some sort, typically teddy bears wearing red bow ties or something. Anywho, although I never seriously dated anyone from my high school, I always hoped I’d get a simple acknowledgement or expression from someone telling me how wonderful I was. Yes, I know it sounds silly, but I’m being transparent here!<br />
<br />
So then I’d get back home, maybe with candy from teachers or my good girlfriends, but without those big mylar balloons or teddy bears. Feeling a little down like I lost my puppy, I’d look on my dresser and see that simple present from my mom, reminding me that I was, indeed, loved.
Fast forward to February 2003. I reconnected with this guy I knew while in high school and we were just friends. Actually, we weren’t even that. We were cordial, no real conversations that I remember, so I didn’t expect any type of sparks to fly, but he asked me to go on a date with him the next Friday, February 14, 2003. He originally asked me via notes on Blackplanet.com (don’t front like y’all don’t remember BlackPlanet), but said he wanted to call and officially ask because he felt the Internet was still a bit impersonal. So a day or so later, I’m sitting in the middle of my bed, writing in my journal, watching SVU and writing that I’d probably be doing the same the following Friday. And my cell phone rings. It’s him, “officially” asking me on a date. Of course, I said yes and now, February 14th is the anniversary of my and my fiancé’s first date. Was it magical and crazy electricity between us? Absolutely not. It was more awkward than anything. We didn’t say a whole lot. …Weird for a first date. I mean, you know how you’re supposed to talk a lot and get to know each other, right? Well, we kinda knew each other, so we just didn’t really know how to proceed. It was cool nonetheless.<br />
<br />
So what’s with my aversion to Valentine’s Day? I think it’s just entirely too commercial. I mean, the price of a dozen roses seems to skyrocket and let’s not talk about the bounty of red and pink colored cheap-tasting chocolates that now dominate the front of most grocery stores. All the florists LOVE this time of year because this is the time when everyone expresses their love, right? Well, I think that’s my problem.<br />
<br />
I love my family. It could be a random Tuesday and if we see something we think another family member would like or appreciate, we get it for them and give it to them. No, we don’t wait and save the gift for Christmas or a birthday, but we take that moment to express love and care for each other. My Aunt De-Rance loves angels, so if I see one I think she might like, I get it for her and share it the next time I see her. It’s not necessary to wait until a special day because my love and appreciation for her aren’t bound to those days.<br />
<br />
So I woke up today, not really feeling February 14th but the texts were rolling in as early as 6:30am and I responded with a “Happy Love’s Holiday to you too!” …but I just wasn’t feeling it, ya know? Well, as I was getting ready for work, my mom went to warm up her car before I did and when I got outside, my mom cleaned the snow off my car for me. That was a great expression of love. My mom has had serious foot pain since she broke her heel last year (she still doesn’t know how she did that), but the fact that she took those extra steps to clean off my car meant so much to me. It wasn’t my usual card and chocolate candy, but it was that expression of love and care that brought me out my funk and made me smile and be thankful to God for the love that’s expressed in various ways.<br />
<br />
What do I think of St. Valentine’s Day? It’s February 14th. It’s just another day. However, it’s another opportunity to share love with those around you. Take advantage of it, but don’t get so caught up in the commercialism of it all. Love each other as Christ loved us and just have a good day.De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-81405103905830717872012-01-31T21:20:00.000-08:002012-02-01T11:01:16.127-08:00As silly as a fly in a light fixture...Those who know me know I tend to have irregular sleeping habits. Well, last night, I resolved to get a good night's rest and failed miserably. I got in the bed around 8pm but woke up around 10:30pm, wide awake and could not immediately get back to sleep. So what did I do? I read a book, watched TV, and, of course, perused my friends' posts on Facebook and Twitter. And yes, I did all these things at the same time.<br /><br />In the midst of my adult ADHD bliss, I noticed a buzzing sound and located the fly that was making it. It was a huge fly and was moving around my room, attracted to the main light source. I watched it for a while and had to laugh at myself because I was seriously concentrating on this thing. It came in through my Southeast facing window and landed on the ceiling, inching closer and closer to the light fixture. I'd seen it happen many times before: a fly or ladybug would get in my room, fall in love with the light, and fall <span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">in</span></span> the light fixture. Sometimes it would get out. Other times, it just laid there and was burned by the bulb's intense heat and I had to stretch my arms to again clean the light fixture. Well, I really paid attention to this fly to see if I could learn something. Hey, don't judge me; by this time, it was about 1am and I was kinda sleepy but still intrigued.<br /><br />Well, this fly did just as I thought it would: it inched along the ceiling closer and closer to the light until it got so close it fell in the light fixture. It sat there for a few minutes, but after realizing it would be burned, it struggled to get out the lamp. Although the sides were slippery, it would continue to attempt to climb up the sides but would slide down. It took this fly several attempts before it decided to try to fly out. When it finally escaped a sure death, it repeated the process. I watched this fly again and again face destruction and, although I seriously despise flies, I was kind of hoping it would learn its lesson and not get so close to the light. Well, you know what happened. The stupid fly fell back in the light fixture, chilled for a few minutes, then burned, then struggled to get out, then got out but again flirted with disaster as it inched closer and closer.<br /><br />Ok, so I decided to help the fly out...and experiment. I turned off the main light to see what Mr. Fly would do since he'd fallen in the light fixture. He stayed there until I turned on my desk lamp, then flew out and inched closer to that one. So of course, I had to play with the fly and I turned off the desk lamp and again flicked on the main light. And of course, the cycle started all over again: flirty walking around the light on the ceiling, getting close to it, then falling in. By this time, it was almost 2am and I put my book down, turned off my light, and went to sleep.<br /><br />So why am I talking about flies here on a sex and relationship blog? Well, because sometimes, we can be just as silly as a fly in a light fixture. We'll be in relationships we <span style="font-weight:bold;">know</span> are destructive, yet we stick around for the benefits, whether real or perceived: companionship, body heat, or the flood of emotions we feel when we're held. Then we get burned. The partner might step out or just isn't good to us and we'll leave for a while, but try to stick around just enough to get those benefits...only to fall back into a situation that may burn us.<br /><br />Sounds kinda hopeless, eh? Well, it's not. God ALWAYS provides a way of escape. I Corinthians 10:13 tells us that whenever we are tempted God will provide a way out. However, you have the choice to exit. If you want to stay there and get burned, it's totally your choice. Howbeit, God provides that open door and He tells us to flee temptation (2 Timothy 2:22). Nope, don't power walk away from it, don't walk briskly, but RUN! AWAY! IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION! Again, it's completely your choice though. Just like with this silly fly. The opening of the light fixture is HUGE and at any point, it could fly out, but it would try to scale the slippery sides and would fall right back to the danger zone.<br /><br />We will always be met with tempting situations. I'm reminded of Jill Scott's song "Across My Mind." At the end, she says, "In the end, you were never good for me and I was never good for you. I just remember what we used to do." Yep...I know it's tempting. "Can't nobody hold me the way he/she did!" "You can't even imagine how great the sex was!" You're right...but if you don't remind yourself of the danger you left, you might be sitting at the bottom of the light fixture, just like that fly still is because I was too lazy this morning to get it out....<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Scriptural References</span><br />1 Corinthians 10:13<br />Amplified Bible (AMP)<br />For no temptation (no trial regarded as enticing to sin), [no matter how it comes or where it leads] has overtaken you and laid hold on you that is not common to man [that is, no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear]. But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently.<br /><br />2 Timothy 2:22<br />Amplified Bible (AMP)<br />Shun youthful lusts and flee from them, and aim at and pursue righteousness (all that is virtuous and good, right living, conformity to the will of God in thought, word, and deed); [and aim at and pursue] faith, love, [and] peace (harmony and concord with others) in fellowship with all [Christians], who call upon the Lord out of a pure heart.De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-58233115404869539532011-07-31T18:08:00.000-07:002011-07-31T18:14:11.042-07:00United PraiseAs I look over my life, I have to give thanks for many things, specifically for friends. I have several good friends with whom I’ve shared various things: school experiences, sorority life, and best of all, faith. I remember attending a Thanksgiving service with my line sisters and was overcome with gratitude for the opportunity to praise God with some of my favorite people. Whether it’s an email, a phone conversation, or a lunch break, I’m so grateful for the many opportunities I have for united praise.<br /><br />As far as relationships are concerned, I didn’t always understand the importance of this principle. I knew that I was supposed to be “equally yoked” with my mate, but let’s be real. When I was younger, I wasn’t looking for every encounter to end in a long-term relationship. Thus, I ended up being yoked with people who weren’t so equal. They wondered why I had to go to the afternoon service if I already went to church that morning. …or why I had to give 10% of my earnings. Y’all know how it goes. But when I was blessed with my current relationship, I tell you, I began to understand some things. This isn’t to say that relationships where people come from different faiths can’t work. However, it can be a real challenge when it comes to various issues.<br /><br />So what is this united praise of which I’m speaking? I’m talking about the example of Paul and Silas. I encourage you to read Acts 16 in its entirety because it allows you to understand the full context of the story. However, only in Acts 15:40 had Paul and Silas been paired to go through Syria and Cilicia to strengthen churches. Actually, Paul specifically chose Silas and this choice was monumental.<br /><br />As Paul and Silas were in Philippi, they cast a spirit out of a slave girl. When her owners learned who was responsible, they brought the duo before the magistrates and both Paul and Silas were severely beaten and thrown in jail. Now let’s think about this. Paul and Silas were paired up in 15:40 and in 16:22-23, stripped and flogged and finally thrown into the inner cell of a prison in verse 24. I wonder what they were thinking. I mean, seriously, I imagine Silas could have been thinking, “What in the world did I get myself in to?” So there they are, in jail, bruised, beaten, battered, and feeling bereft. And they decide to praise.<br /><br />There’s a song by Luther Vandross that I didn’t fully appreciate when it came out in 2001. His smooth vocals (which I truly miss) would come through singing, “I’d rather have bad times with you than good times with someone else. I’d rather be beside you in a storm than safe and warm by myself. I’d rather have hard times together than to have them easy apart….” And there I am as my 20-year-old self thinking this song doesn’t make any sense. Seriously, how could you rather weather a storm with one person than enjoy safety alone? It just didn’t make ANY sense to me. But I imagine that Paul chose Silas wisely because they knew the danger they would face in spreading the Gospel. <br /><br />So again, they’re together, hurt and I’m sure discouraged, but at midnight, in their darkest hour, Paul and Silas began to pray and sing hymns to God. The scripture doesn’t specify the subject(s) of their prayers. It just says they prayed and sang songs that glorified God. That, too, is an amazing concept to me, but it’s so important to learn that God still deserves the praise in the midst of our bad circumstances. I’ve heard people say that your situation should not determine your praise. …and instead of halting their praise, Paul and Silas’s situation prompted them to action---not to revolt, but to glorify God.<br /><br />As we further examine the scripture, we learn that in the midst of their prayers and songs, God moved in the form of an earthquake, which actually freed all that were jailed from their chains and shackles. Being men of integrity, however, they did not flee, but let the guards know they were where they were supposed to be. I think important lessons come from examining two things: partnership and praise.<br /><br />Relationships are a lot of work. However, I think they work best when both parties view themselves as partners. Both individuals have to come together to do the necessary work of the relationship. If one partner is the only one fully vested, it won’t work. However, when both come together and unite for a common purpose, the relationship can flourish, as it is with praise. I often have the opportunity to lead Praise and Worship and when everyone is on one accord and brings praise with them to church, it makes a huge difference in setting the atmosphere. However, when I’m the only on interested in lifting my hands or celebrating the greatness of God, it’s a whole other story. So how does this relate to relationships? To paraphrase T.D. Jakes, when choosing a mate, you want that person to be the one who will stand beside you and pray with and for you as you’re burying your parents. When you are in the midst of a “midnight situation,” you want to know that person will be united in praise with you, that even though you may be hurting, God is still worthy to praised. You want someone that will share in your pain, empathize with you, but remind you that God is still God.<br /><br />So what do you think might have happened if Paul and Silas didn’t pray and sing at midnight? Would their chains of physical bondage still have been broken? Perhaps, but one thing is for sure. Their example of united praise speaks to the necessity of having friends and partners who you know have your back no matter what. I encourage you to not only examine your relationships on your own, but speak with your friends and make agreements to stand together at midnight and praise in spite of your circumstances.De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-84977412793493682752011-06-06T18:35:00.000-07:002011-06-06T18:53:45.081-07:00Sex Therapist in Training? Who, Me?!Yes, me! It's official. I recently started my training to be certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists as a sex therapist. So, what is that exactly? Check this out:<br /><br /><blockquote>Sex Therapy is a subspecialty of psychotherapy, focusing on the specific concerns related to human sexuality. People of all ages, creeds, health status, ethnic backgrounds, whether partnered or single, may benefit from working with a psychotherapist who specializes in this area. Certified Sex Therapists use specialized clinical skills and theoretical knowledge to help people solve their sexual concerns.<br /> <br />In most states and provinces, Sex Therapy is not a separately licensed or regulated profession, just as child psychotherapy or geriatric psychotherapy is not government regulated beyond granting the basic license to practice therapy. To assure the public of highly qualified practitioners, AASECT provides voluntary certification to those therapists who have completed the rigorous certification process. Only those therapists who have met these qualifications may designate themselves as “AASECT Certified Sex Therapists.”<br /><br />Taken from http://www.aasect.org/faqs.asp#What_is_ST, 6/6/2011</blockquote><br /><br />I am a licensed clinical social worker and serve a variety of clients. My specific interests (as it relates to sex therapy) include recovering from trauma to have healthy sexual experiences and marital/pre-marital therapy. Not many predominately black denominations have standardized pre-marital counseling courses that are empirically based (researched and "proven" to be effective). Because of this, lots of concerns may not be addressed, including issues of sex and sexuality. If couples don't discuss these issues BEFORE getting to the bedroom, they may encounter several difficulties spurring from issues of past hurt or trauma and unspoken expectations. I believe that sex is an important component in healthy marriages, however it manifests in specific relationships. I just believe that we can no longer be silent about it within our faith communities.<br /><br />So there you have it. This is how I'm kicking off my summer. I know I've been absent for a while, but I am still writing and new posts are to come, especially with all this fun knowledge I'm gaining. Yes, fun. How can you study sex and sexuality without it being at least interesting? :-)De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-64212482679287285422011-04-14T19:51:00.000-07:002011-04-14T19:55:47.364-07:00I Bet My Daughter Knows My Name...<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/3PpYasA94sU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><br />I remember seeing this video a few years ago. I definitely laughed when I saw it. I mean, really, there’s a lot of comedy included in those few minutes of footage. However, after my giggling subsided, I began to wonder about the conversations that ensued when the taping stopped. …or if there actually was a conversation. This then led me to think about sex and sexuality education. There are so many differing opinions about who should teach it and when it should be taught. But while the grownups argue, our kids are left with no information and sometimes, begin to experiment without education or they seek the advice of their equally uneducated peers.<br /><br />So when should we teach our children? I did a twitter poll and my awesome followers gave me great ideas, most which were similar to my own. While some people gave specific ages (7 or 8 years old), others said we should give information as our children ask questions, of course, on an age-appropriate level. When speaking about sex and sexuality education, I like to use my own experiences to explain my opinions. <br /><br />I love my mom. I have a great relationship with her and I thank God for choosing her to be my mother. As an educator, she always encouraged me to seek more information. When I would ask her various things, like why do we celebrate Christmas on December 25th when the Bible doesn’t exact a date of Jesus’ birth, she’d direct me to the World Book Encyclopedias she spent so much money on. …and now my family calls me “Google” because I’m full of lots of random information I picked up while reading those expensive encyclopedias. When it came to sex, however, Mama didn’t leave me hanging. She used every opportunity as a teachable moment. If we were watching Oprah and the topic was teenage pregnancy or if the news mentioned a report about HIV/AIDS, my mom would turn off the TV and talk with us. She made sure we understood the messages we were receiving and gave us an open forum to discuss our ideas and feelings. I’m certain that I was able to make good sexual decisions because of my mother’s willingness to discuss sex and sexuality with us. And yes, she discussed sexuality in a loving and accepting manner. She made it clear that she would love us no matter who we loved. Now that, friends, is powerful stuff for a kid to hear and retain.<br /><br />A few nights ago, I watched a documentary on sex and sexuality attitudes among teenagers across the pond. In Great Britain, the legal age to consent to sexual activity is 16. However, the teens they interviewed were as young as 14, explaining they had their first sexual experiences as young as 11 or 12. One interview that stuck with me showed a mother and daughter answering the question of what sex should be. The mother described sex as an expression of love while the 15-year-old daughter shook her head and plainly said that sex is something to do to pass the time that can be pleasurable. The mother didn’t try to correct her daughter’s attitude, but looked kind of sheepishly into the camera as her daughter expounded upon her ideas. Throughout the show, the mother explained that she had not been the best model for her daughter in that she would quickly integrate boyfriends into her family life and this may have shaped her daughters ideas about sex. And there it is: the idea of modeling appropriate behaviors for your children to follow.<br /><br />Although the Bible does not teach specifically on sex education, the first part of Proverbs 22 delves into the importance of discipline in various areas of life. One of the most quoted is verse 6:<br /><br />KJV: “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”<br /><br />MSG: “Point your kids in the right direction—when they’re old they won’t be lost.”<br /><br />I don’t think this verse expects parents or caregivers to be perfect examples. We all make mistakes, which is why Jesus’ sacrifice is so important to the Christian faith. However, even in the shadow of the Cross, we should not use that as an excuse to continually miss the mark. I’m not going to go in depth about sex outside of marriage because I’ve done that in previous posts. Even still, we need to talk to our kids about it. With single parents, that doesn’t mean you can’t date; it does mean your kids shouldn’t meet every person you date. Not every date should have access to your child and their developing ideas about sex. Yep, I said it. Don’t bring everyone home to be “Uncle Charlie” or “Aunt Sally” when you haven’t decided who they are to be in your life. This modeling could be monumental in how they view sex (as seen in the earlier mentioned interview). <br /><br />So back to the above video: how can they use that as a teachable moment? Since the child looks fairly young, they could just ask her what she thought was going on. She may have thought they were playing a game, who knows? I think they could just meet their daughter where she is and honestly answer questions on a level that’s appropriate for her. Also, they could use this as an opportunity to explain that they sincerely love her and each other and that if she has any questions, she could reach to them for answers. Although embarrassing, it could be a moment of growth for both the parents and the child. However, in just laughing about her imitating the sounds she heard and not addressing the issue, there’s no growth and a learning opportunity has been lost. So friends, what would you do in this situation? How would you address it? And whose name should she know?De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-61934734141729101642011-03-09T18:22:00.000-08:002011-03-09T18:31:07.131-08:00When I Started Disliking Steve Harvey...I’ve only taken two international trips in my life. I made it to Egypt in 2009 with my fabulous rock star cousin who travels all the time. However, I came back disliking Tyra Banks because of an episode where she interviewed T.I. She called him an “idiot savant,” but meant it as a compliment. Obviously she didn’t know the meaning of the term and I was impressed with the way T.I. handled the situation. But yeah, I came back to the States with a decreased fondness of the former supermodel. So in 2010, I again traveled with my uber fab cousin and met her in Shanghai. I didn’t realize that I would again return home disliking another American figure.<br /><br />While on the 13-hour flight to China, I slept, watched movies, and read magazines. I ended up buying lots of magazines for the flight, including Essence. One fun thing to do in Shanghai is to get clothes made, so I picked up Vogue and In Style to make sure I got plenty of ideas. Anyway, back to Essence. I’m a social worker and therapist, so I always find it interesting to read relationship columns from those not trained in my profession. That’s not to say they don’t give great advice, but sometimes, they can really miss the mark. Well…in my opinion anyway.<br /><br />Steve Harvey has become a “relationship guru.” With his books “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,” and “Straight Talk, No Chaser,” he’s found acclaim with many looking for ways to get and keep men. His advice seems practical and has some validity. However, the problem in giving advice based on your own personal experience is just that; it’s your personal experience. It may not be completely applicable to the situations and lives of others. Anywho, Mr. Harvey has a relationship column in Essence where readers send their questions and he answers them with his sage advice.<br /><br />So I’m reading his column and a woman asks a valid question. She’s been married for a few years but her husband has recently put on some weight. She’s starting to find him less attractive and asked what she should do to encourage her mate to lose weight. Steve Harvey’s reply: cut him off. Yep, stop having sex with him. He said that sex is that language in which men are fluent and she should cease communication so to speak. …er, act. I immediately put down the magazine and didn’t pick it back up until I packed to leave.<br /><br />There are a few things that perturbed me about this piece of advice, but let’s go to the biggest thing. YOU SHOULD <span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">NEVER</span></span> USE SEX AS A WEAPON. Yep, caps, <span style="font-weight:bold;">bold</span> print, <span style="font-style:italic;">italicized</span>, all o’ dat. <span style="font-weight:bold;">YOU SHOULD NEVER USE SEX AS A WEAPON</span>. Never. Why? For starters, because it’s mean. Okay, I’m sure we need something more than my idea of what’s mean, so let’s go to the Word.<br /><br />I Corinthians 7 gives us some interesting advice on sex in marriage. Paul wrote this letter to a struggling church in Corinth, which was a city not known for its virtue. Let’s just say that Corinth was a like cross between Bourbon Street and Las Vegas. So really, it shouldn’t have been a big surprise that after Paul leaves the church he plants there, news travels about the problems they’re having. This inspires him to write one of his longest letters that’s included in the canonical Bible, which subsequently covers a variety of topics. Anyway, going back to chapter seven. Here he speaks specifically to married folks by giving them instructions about sex. In verses 3-5, Paul explains that husbands and wives should fulfill their marital duties to each other and only abstain from sex when it’s mutually agreed upon and only for the purpose of fasting. He doesn’t say anything about “cutting someone off” to help them lose weight. In fact, in verse 4, he proclaims that a wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband and vice versa. So does that mean no matter how much your husband/wife makes you mad, you can’t just cut ‘em off? Yep. Now don’t misunderstand me. I don’t believe the Father wants you to put yourself in a situation where you’ll be objectified, abused, or used. However, in a generally healthy marriage, this chapter tells us that you shouldn’t withhold sex as a means to control the behavior (or weight) of your spouse.<br /><br />So what are our options? I believe that women have a special anointing, the power of persuasion (I elaborated about this in The Power of the Nag in the Samson series). But seriously, what are some things she could do encourage weight loss? What about talking to him? Yep, the direct approach. Kinda different, huh? I tell you, though, it works. It’s not necessary to be abrasive, but you can be lovingly honest. What about suggesting that you work out together? Hey, what about cooking healthy meals together? Cooking together might prompt…cooking together. So could working out. When you spend time with each other, you have the opportunity to reignite those sparks that started the fire in the first place. However, if either mate decides to cease sexual communication, you decrease the opportunities for oxytocin and other love brain chemicals to flow and attraction may continue to wane.<br /><br />Really, I think the advice given in Essence was irresponsible. But then again, it’s advice. It’s not therapy. It’s not theology. It’s one man’s opinion on what a woman should do to spur the weight loss of her husband. Will his advice work? I highly doubt it. Actually, I think it’s a recipe for disaster. I just hope that the woman who sought the advice is lead to read I Corinthians 7 and decides to follow that instead of Mr. Steve Harvey.<br /><br />Scriptural Reference:<br />I Corinthians 7: 1-6 (MSG) Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-90220447480261760472011-01-13T17:57:00.000-08:002011-01-13T18:01:21.903-08:00The Anointing: Do I still have it? Can I lose it? (Part 2)So what separates us from the presence of God? Romans 8 tells us that nothing can separate us from the <span style="font-style:italic;">love</span> of God. But what about the Spirit? Is there anything that can separate us from that person? I’ve spoken to friends about what they felt drove a wedge between them and the Spirit of God. What kept them from entering into the presence of God? What made them almost embarrassed to lift hands during praise and worship? Most of them said it was their own pride, desires, and sin that caused a dissention between their spirit and THE Spirit. Let’s go back to Samson and see what we can learn from him.<br /><br />As we discussed earlier, Samson received his power from the Holy Spirit. Although he thought it was from his hair because that was <span style="font-style:italic;">his</span> only consistency, we learned that his power was only present when the Spirit of the Lord was upon him. However, when he laid his head in Delilah’s lap, Samson didn’t realize the Spirit left him and when he went to escape his captors, he just didn’t have the same strength as before. …but his hair did begin to grow back a little later (along with his connection to the Spirit).<br /><br />Now lets go to I Samuel and look at Saul. In chapter 16, verse 14, we see that the Spirit of the Lord departed from Saul and in its stead, an evil spirit settled on him. We see here that the Spirit of the Lord cannot occupy the same space as a spirit of darkness.<br /><br />So how does this relate to sex? Well, as we’ve examined in other entries, you share more than your bodies during sexual intercourse. There’s the whole oxytocin thing, in addition to the actual physical exchange. However, the most powerful of these is the spiritual exchange that can occur. They don’t make condoms that block spiritual transference…sorry. We can work to prevent pregnancy and the spread of STIs by barrier methods, but there is nothing that can block a spirit from entering a vessel if it’s not filled with the Holy Spirit. So what causes the Holy Spirit to leave? You guessed it: sin. Yep, when we do things that are against the Will of God, the Holy Spirit chucks the deuces, leaving you vacant for a new tenant. <br /><br />Check this out:<br />I Corinthians 6:16-20 (MSG): There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-molded love, for “becoming one” within another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.<br /><br />Then you have Romans 12:1 that instructs us to present our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing unto God as a spiritual act of worship. You see, our bodies/vessels are a place for the Holy Spirit to dwell. When we do things that <span style="font-style:italic;">grieve</span> the spirit, such as sex outside of marriage, the Spirit departs and our vessels are open for another indwelling. Have you ever noticed that after being in a relationship with someone (and being intimate with them), you start doing things alike? Heck, even if you’re not intimate, as with friends, you might complete each other’s sentences or have entire conversations with glances and no words exchanged. What happens is that your spirits start to enmesh. You might incorporate their catch phrases into your vocabulary or find yourself even shaking your foot like they do, even though you used to find it annoying. Like the saying, “birds of a feather flock together,” I think you might start “flocking” after being together. To copy another saying, “eagles don’t fly with pigeons.” So if you’re planning to soar, why are you hanging in the park looking for breadcrumbs? <br /><br />Genesis 2:24 instructs us to leave our family of origin and become one flesh with our mates. This is so much more than a physical union, but the physical accurately depicts the spiritual (and chemical). By nature, women are receptors and men are depositors. Semen is deposited in the vagina and travels to the uterus to unite with the egg and create life. However, what about the spirit of deceit that may be left behind? Selfishness? Lust? Irresponsibility? You get the idea. Fellas aren’t left off the hook though. Just as a man can contract a sexually transmitted infection, he can also take with him a spirit of insecurity, greed, or conceit, among others. Get it? With the physical comes the spiritual, but once you do things that evict the Holy Spirit, you’re open for all these other things to set up camp (see Isaiah 63:10).<br /><br />So to answer the question, can you lose the anointing, I still have to give my “I’m not quite sure.” I think you can do things that grieve the Holy Spirit and allow other spirits to dwell within you. However, it’s Yeshua/Jesus/Christ that’s the Anointed One. I just read a beautiful description of how Jesus’ love is like someone relentlessly chasing you. And if the anointing is tied to Him, I don’t think you’ll be able to shake Him loose. His love will NEVER give up on you and no matter how much we mess up, how many people we have sex with, how many times we’ve fallen, we can’t go anywhere where His love can’t find us. It is, however, still our choice if we want to be found.<br /><br />In short: be found, get connected, and the anointing will flow.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">Scriptures referenced</span></span>:<br />Romans 8:35-39 NIV 2010: Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.<br /><br />I Samuel 16:14 The Message: At that very moment the Spirit of God left Saul and in its place a black mood sent by God settled on him. He was terrified.<br /><br />Romans 12:1 AMP: I APPEAL to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of [all] the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies [presenting all your members and faculties] as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship.<br /><br />Genesis 2:24 The Message: Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.<br /><br />Isaiah 63:10 AMP: But they reveled and grieved His Holy Spirit; therefore He turned to become their enemy and Himself fought against them.De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-476337250648509682011-01-02T23:59:00.000-08:002011-01-03T12:58:07.887-08:00The Anointing: Do I still have it? Can I lose it? (Part 1)a-noint<br />1. to rub or sprinkle on; apply an unguent, ointment, or oily liquid to.<br />2. to smear with any liquid.<br />3. to consecrate or make sacred in a ceremony that includes the token applying of oil: He anointed the new high priest.<br />4. to dedicate to the service of god.<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Taken from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/anoint 1/2/2011</span><br /><br />I remember watching one of Tye Tribbett’s DVDs, the Victory concert to be exact, and they were singing “Sinking.” He said that even though he was playing the organ in church, he was still sinking. He thought that as long as he was under the anointing, he was okay. And there’s that word: anointing.<br /><br />I was born and raised United Methodist. Anyone familiar with that denomination knows that it is similar to Catholicism in many ways, but the methods of worship are different. At my church (and I still love that church, even though I’m no longer a member) we were baptized as children and confirmed at 12 or 13…I can’t remember. Anywho, while in that church, I didn’t really hear certain phrases that have become part of my current vocabulary, such as saved, sanctified, or anointed. In no way does that mean these things weren’t taught (or that their teachings lacked anything for that matter), but the phrasing was different. I, in fact, was “saved” before I heard anyone call it that. I accepted Christ as my Savior and asked him to come into my heart during my first trip to Camp Penuel (insert lots of smiles and happy memories---GO BLUE TEAM!). But I didn’t hear the term until maybe my junior year of high school. …Same thing with “the anointing.” As I began to fellowship with believers in different denominations, I kept hearing about this thing and just wanted to know what it was. Was it a special feeling? Was it like when people “caught” the Holy Spirit? And was it available to me?<br /><br />So y’all know me by now and y’all know what I did…I studied and found as much information as I possibly could.<br /><br />You see the dictionary definition above, but let’s put it in spiritual terms. When Jesus ascended to Heaven, he didn’t leave us alone. We have a Comforter, the Holy Spirit, who is someone through whom God works to make things happen for us. Those little everyday miracles? That whisper that told you to make a right turn instead of a left and you avoided an accident? That bad relationship you avoided because you actually listened to that still, small voice? Yep, that’s our Comforter and through Jesus, who works through the Holy Spirit on earth, we are anointed.<br /><br />Psalm 23 paints a beautiful picture of a God who loves us and wants us to be well. Shoot, he even anoints our head with oil! So what’s the big deal? Well, shepherds anoint or rub oil on their sheep to keep harm and infection away from them. Insects would settle into their little noses, strange things would grow on their coats, etc. Without the oil, the sheep would be in some seriously nasty situations. And so, because of Jesus’ sacrifice, we can be clothed in the oil of Christ---not oil from olives, but the oil that flows through him and to us by way of the Holy Spirit. Get it? Even though the oil comes from Jesus, we have to have a connection to the Holy Spirit to get it. Moving on….<br /><br />So how do we get connected to the Holy Spirit? We have to be connected to Christ. Yes, you accepted Jesus as your Savior and go to church Christmas, Mother’s Day, and Easter. …and the first Sunday of the year because you decided that you’re going to start the year off right. Yes, you have a spot in Heaven, but in not being totally committed to Christ, you won’t have access to the many promises of God. <br /><br />So there you have it. To have access to the anointing, you have to be connected to Christ so the Holy Spirit can be there for you. In order to ensure the Holy Spirit’s presence, however, you have to make sure you don’t do things that will separate you from the presence of God….<br /><br />Random thoughts:<br />Christ—from the Greek “Christos”—the anointed one—closest to God (if anoint means to rub against, then anointed would be almost being, if not being one with, so Christ is the one who is closest to/enmeshed with God). Our anointing comes from him through the Holy Spirit, so we need to be close to the Holy Spirit to have access to the Anointed One.De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-7138303174358550312010-08-30T20:24:00.000-07:002010-08-30T20:30:18.383-07:00The Power of the NagAs I’ve matured, I’ve come to appreciate the differences between men and women. That’s not to say that one sex is superior, but we have different strengths and gifts. However, one that I have to admit that I’ve used is the female power of persuasion. Yes, friends, the power of the nag. Now I know what you’re thinking: nagging is annoying and where doth the power lay? I’m so glad you asked! Since I never claim to have the answers, I decided to again examine Samson’s story to learn about this power.<br /><br />As we examine Judges 13-15, we see two women that use their persuasiveness to get what they want, which is, in both cases, information. The first woman, who Samson was to marry, nagged him for the answer to a riddle so her kinsmen could appear wise and present an answer to Samson. Then there’s Delilah. Oh Delilah….<br /><br />I wrote about how bad this chick had to be in an earlier post. She was probably the kind of woman that made men’s heads turn and other women just <span style="font-style:italic;">had</span> to give her props. Hair and makeup were probably in place at all times and you know she wore linen. Anywho, this girl knew what she had and knew how to use it. So what’s the big deal? Again, excellent question friends!<br /><br />Delilah asked Samson the same question THREE times before he gave her the answer she was looking for. When she somehow knew he was telling the truth, she took advantage of that and assisted in his capture by the Philistines. This girl knew the power of the nag and was not afraid to use it!<br /><br />The somewhat elusive power is displayed all throughout the Bible, starting with Eve persuading Adam to take a bite of whatever kind of fruit that was (possibly a fig or date). I can almost hear the conversation and see it play out in my head:<br /><br />“Adam (said sweetly, <span style="font-style:italic;">y'all know how we can say a name sweetly</span>), I know that God said we weren’t supposed to eat this fruit, but the serpent said we’d be like God if we take a bite. Baby, don’t you want to be like God? Then we’d know things and well, let’s just try it.”<br /><br />Genesis doesn’t explain if there was any back and forth conversation between the two of them at this point, but it’s a possibility. Whatever conversation ensued, Adam was convinced and the power of the nag was victorious for the first time in history! …Or was it?<br /><br />See, this power of persuasion is, I believe, a gift God has given to women. It’s true that men don’t have the same power. Sure, they may try, but it is just not the same I tell ya. Looking at this power being victorious requires an examination of true victory and whether or not it really took place in any of the above situations. Victory is when you win and, in relationships, you should look for both partners to be victorious, not one over the other. With Samson and Delilah, I guess you can say Delilah won to a certain extent. She got the information she desired and got paid in the process. However, what was her reputation after that? Was she just known as a deceitful woman who will use her femininity to harm men? Was she able to form any substantial relationships after Samson? How did she feel after she learned of what the Philistines did to him? So yes, she got what she wanted, but I wouldn’t say she was victorious.<br /><br />As Christians, our victory lies in Christ (I Corinthians 15:57). We are actually more than conquerors through him (Romans 8:37). So in using our power of persuasion, if we’re looking to win, all roads should point to Christ. We shouldn’t use the power of the nag to persuade our brethren to do things that would be to their detriment, e.g., trying to get Samson to disclose the secret of his power to take advantage of it. However, because we have this power of persuasion, we should use it to point to Christ in all we do.<br /><br />Proverbs 18:22 (MSG) says, “Find a good spouse, you find a good life—and even more: the favor of God!” Ladies, that means that we are connected to favor and blessings. However, when we use the power of the nag negatively, we can sever relationships and even turn others <span style="font-style:italic;">away</span> from God, which could lead to serious consequences for us. On the other hand, when we use this power for good, we not only serve as a connection to favor, but we also have the opportunity to reap from its benefits.<br /><br />So the next time you decide to use your power of persuasion, consider these questions:<br />What is my goal?<br />And will the end result lead to Christ?De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-24680146606494660202010-07-01T14:04:00.000-07:002010-07-01T14:10:19.825-07:00Lemme braid yo' hair....I remember being told as a child that I shouldn’t allow too many people to play in my hair. Even as an adult, I stick to this. Although I sometimes wear an Afro and people feel <span style="font-style:italic;">compelled</span> to touch my hair, I just lean away from their reaching arm if I don’t know where their hands have been. Eh, sometimes even if I <span style="font-style:italic;">do</span> know where their hands have been. Anyway, I got to thinking about this lesson and how Samson must not have received the same advice in his formative years.<br /><br />You can read Samson’s Story in an earlier post or crack open your Bible and read Judges 13-16.<br /><br />So what’s with his hair? <br /><br />In Judges 13, an angel appears to Samson’s mom and tells her that no razor may be used on his head because he is to be set apart as a Nazirite. Then, in chapter 16, Samson tells Delilah that the secret of his strength is in his hair because no razor has ever been used on his head.<br /><br />Because Samson identified himself as a Nazirite, I needed to learn more information about this title and what it implies.<br /><br />Nazirites are Israelites consecrated/separated/dedicated to God for special service. Read Number 6:1-21 for a full description. The most famous Nazirites are Samson, Samuel, and John the Baptist. The Apostle Paul took a Nazirite vow and it’s believed that Jesus himself was a Nazirite near the end of his documented ministry. They were to refrain from fermented drinks, grapes, and grape derivatives. Also, during the period of the vow of separation, no razor may be used on his or her head and they must not go near dead bodies, including animals. People took Nazirite vows for periods no less than 30 days. However, Samson was one at birth and, therefore, carried this title throughout his life.<br /><br />After learning this, I still couldn’t understand how Samson’s strength came from his hair. It still didn’t make sense to me, so I did what I always do; I kept reading.<br /><br />Every time Samson was able to defeat an enemy, the Spirit of the Lord came upon him in power (Judges 13:25, 14:6, 19, 15:14). But as far as Samson knew, the only constant factor was his hair. He’d broken the other vows of being a Nazirite, such as touching a dead body in 14:5-9 and having a “drinking party” in 14:10. However, he still had not cut his hair. To him, that was the source of his superhuman strength because in all his inconsistencies, that was the one constant.<br /><br />Samson liked riddles. He liked tripping people up when he could. I imagine that people often judged him as being, for the lack of a better phrase, a big dufus, a jock. They knew of his strength, but probably deduced he didn’t think too much. So, in turn, I think he took the opportunities to show people that he was contemplative. And then he falls in love with a woman from the Valley of Sorek, Delilah.<br /><br />Delilah was probably a bad chick. She knew that women possess the power of persuasion and she knew how to use her power. The rulers of the Philistines asked her to lure Samson into showing her the secret of his strength so they could overpower him. Her compensation for selling out her boo: eleven hundred shekels of silver from each ruler. She asked Samson twice the secret of his strength and twice, he lied to her. Then she pulls out the “if you really love me card” and he gives in and reveals to her what he felt was the secret to his strength. Then he does it; he lays his head in her lap and she strokes his hair until he falls asleep, only to wake up bald and miles away from the Spirit of the Lord.<br /><br />Picture it: you’re this big burly guy with extremely long hair, possibly dreadlocks (I hate that term because of its origin, yet I digress). People probably think you’re stupid because of your size and strength so you find yourself compensating, always trying to prove your intellect. And then, you meet this fine woman who’s not trying to fight you. She’s not trying to challenge you. She only wants to know who you really are and what makes you unequivocally you. Then you do it, you let her braid your hair. Her hands work masterfully and you just lean back and let her do her thing. And even though you think your strength is in her hands, you fall asleep, feeling relaxed and not worried about a thing. …and the Spirit of the Lord lets you two hang out and chucks the deuces.<br /><br />But see, the crazy thing is that his strength wasn’t really in her hands. Every time Samson defeated an enemy, the Spirit of the Lord came upon him. It wasn’t his hair or any of his own works. His strength, and ours, comes from the Lord. He is the source. However, sometimes we do things to cut off our supply. We lay our heads in foreign laps and trust those broad shoulders or coke-bottle shapes with our secrets. Then we look up and wonder why we can’t lift holy hands in service or why we just don’t feel God’s presence anymore. I used to think that maybe God was mad at me and was just not really feeling me. But then I realized that it’s not that God moves away from us, but sometimes, we move so far into darkness and fear that He can’t occupy that same space. …but as the old folks say, “Thank God for Jesus!” Jesus serves as the bridge over troubled waters. God is on one side and we’re on the other. The only thing that separates us from our strength supplier is sin, but all we have to do is cross the bridge….<br /><br />So the next time you look up and your hair is jacked up because you let the wrong person braid it, remember that the bridge is open. Our hair can grow again and the Spirit of the Lord can dwell among us. It’s just up to us to cross the bridge.De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-78444402903774360092010-07-01T13:29:00.000-07:002010-07-01T13:34:24.044-07:00Lessons from Samson<span style="font-style:italic;">This is the first installment on a series of blogs examining Samson and his many issues in romantic relationships.</span><br /><br />For those who aren’t familiar with Samson, let’s revisit his story. Samson was anointed even before conception (Judges 13). Although his mother had not been able to conceive children, an angel appeared to her and gave her instruction on how to care for herself while carrying the child she would raise. The son was to be a Nazirite, set apart to God from birth so he can begin the deliverance of Israel from the hands of the Philistines.<br /><br />Moving on to Judges 14, Samson marries a Philistine woman. Her name isn’t mentioned; she’s only referred to as a Philistine and as Samson’s wife. Long story short, he gives the Philistines a riddle they can’t answer so they ask Samson’s wife to get the answer for them. She cried for SEVEN DAYS, relenting until he finally revealed the answer. Of course, she told her kinsmen and they then attempted to appear wise before Samson with the answer. However, Samson knew what was up, called his wife a “heifer,” and then her father ended up arranging a different marriage for her. Samson gets angry and basically burns the whole town and even though the Philistines almost get him to exact their revenge, he breaks free and wrecks shop. <br /><br />In Chapter 16, Samson meets Delilah. The chapter starts with him spending a night with a Philistine prostitute and yet again, God allows him to escape the hands of the Philistines. A few verses down, he meets and falls in love with Delilah. The rulers of the Philistines conspired with her to find the secret of Samson’s strength so they could capture him. Twice she asked him to share the secret of his strength and twice, he lied to her. She then pulled out the “If you love me” card and continued to nag him until he told her that his hair had never been cut and that if his head were shaven, he’d become as weak as any other man. After he revealed this, Delilah somehow knew that this was the truth and sent word to the rulers of the Philistines that they should come back and she’ll have Samson ready for them. She put him to sleep with his head on her lap and called someone to shave his head while he slept. When he awoke, he just thought he’d be able to shake himself free as he’d done the two times before, but he did not know that Lord left him. The Philistines seized him, gouged out his eyes, and took him to Gaza. However, his hair did begin to grow.<br /><br />After being captured, the Philistines celebrated their god Dagon since their enemy had been delivered into their hands. They then called out for Samson to come and perform for them. However, he prayed to God for strength so he could get revenge on the Philistines for his eyes and God granted him his desire. He then pushed down two pillars that supported the roof and killed thousands of people, including himself.<br /><br />That’s the story in a nutshell. To get the details, read Judges 13-16 in various versions. NIV and The Message are my personal favorites, but whichever you choose, please read it for yourself. To me, it reads like a juicy novel or even a soap opera. Happy reading!<br /><br />So, what’s the deal with Samson? And why does it seem that Samson can’t learn a lesson the first time it’s taught? I think it’s primarily the same reason why we keep walking around the same mountains in our lives. God delivers us, gives us the strength to fight our enemies, then we fall back into the same traps and repeat the same stupid behaviors. Over the next few weeks, we’ll look at different lessons we can learn from Samson’s mistakes so we don’t have to repeat them. Next up, we’ll examine why you shouldn’t let everyone play in your hair….De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-88195778872234810412010-06-25T20:49:00.000-07:002010-06-25T20:54:24.752-07:00SuggestionsHey all,<br /><br />So I'm working on another post that I think you'll enjoy. It's about Samson and his many issues with women. Of course, we'll touch on Delilah too. But as I continue to write, I want to know what issues you'd like me to address. What are some topics you'd like explored on Sex for the Saints? What interests you? And what topic do you think needs to be addressed from a Christian point of view? I'm very interested in your feedback. I have several topic ideas, but I really want to know what you want. It makes no sense for me to prepare a heaping plate of liver and onions and y'all don't like liver and are allergic to onions. ...y'all get what I'm sayin'.<br /><br />Anyway, let me know what's on your mind and what areas you feel need to be addressed.<br /><br />Peace.De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7699996003183041798.post-60484946520066621382010-05-19T06:01:00.000-07:002010-05-19T06:02:43.659-07:00It's Only Sex, Right?<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">The Horizontal Mambo. The Booty Call. The Denver OmeLET (a la Chocolate News). Casual sex. It has many nicknames, some a bit funnier than others, but it does occur, even among Christians. …I’ll wait for your gasps of disbelief.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I know what you might be thinking. What is De-Andrea going to say now? The answer: a lot. I generally like to work with vignettes to illustrate my ideas, so let’s start there.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Let’s bring back Jan and Jim. They just met each other at a Christian conference and are seriously digging each other. Jim is from Chicago and Jan is from Atlanta. They’ve already exchanged email addresses and have vowed to stay connected because of the friendship spurred by their common beliefs. Since it’s the last evening of the conference, they decide to spend time together and end up talking into the wee hours of the morning. They’re feeling each other and Jim kisses Jan. She kisses back because, after all, he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">is</i> her dream guy: Christian, grounded, good-looking, and available. However, a kiss progresses to a touch which progresses to even more touching and next thing they know, pants are on the ground and they’re studying Song of Solomon instead of Proverbs. …You get the point. So they did it; they had sex and the next day, they return to their separate cities intending to stay connected, especially since they’re now friends on Facebook. And it was only sex, right?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">No, not exactly. Let’s start by looking at it biologically. Intercourse is designed for reproduction, for the most part. (The only purpose of a woman’s clitoris is pleasure, but that’s a whole other blog.) Anyway, women are designed to receive: we receive a man’s sperm that makes the miraculous journey of travelling through the fallopian tubes and uniting with one of our eggs to create new life. Additionally, both women and men produce chemicals in their brains during sexual contact. Dr. Laura Berman further explains:</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">When girl meets boy (or, in our case, Jan meets Jim), the brain releases a chemical love cocktail: Dopamine produces feelings of bliss, norepinephrine makes the heart race, and we are driven to want sex. Then, during sex, the brain triggers the release of oxytocin—the warm fuzzy of the hormone world—which leaves us wanting to bond with the person we’ve just done the horizontal mambo with. These are primitive urges that have helped ensure the survival of our species.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">The problem is that oxytocin may have a more powerful effect on women, at least initially. The theory is that testosterone (which men have more of) turns off oxytocin, making women more sensitive to oxytocin’s effects. So although you may intellectually and even emotionally approach sex with a no-strings-attached attitude, these primal brain circuits may override the decision.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">Of course brain chemistry cannot explain everything and there are times when recreational sex is just that—recreation. However, as anthropologist Helen Fisher puts it, be careful about having sex with people you don’t want to fall in love with—because you may end up doing just that!</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Taken from Dr. Laura Berman’s Passion Files, 12/3/09</i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As explained by Dr. Berman, our bodies are <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">engineered</i> to bond while having intercourse. Additionally, oxytocin is also released in women’s brains during childbirth to facilitate mother-child bonding. The cards are indeed stacked against women in treating sex as casual encounters. However, there is an even deeper level of transfer that occurs.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Genesis 2:24 explains that when a man leaves his father and mother to unite with his wife, the two become one flesh. I think of this process kind of like how paper is made. There are several different ingredients that form to make paper, such as wood and water. However, if you try to extract wood or water from a sheet of paper, you’d be unable to do so because they’ve formed to make one product. You can cut a sheet of paper into different shapes or sizes, but you can’t squeeze water from it. And so it is when a man and woman become one flesh. When a man <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">unites</i> with a woman physically, they’re united spiritually, even if the intent was to have a casual fling. So how can we separate our spirits from those we didn’t plan to become tied to? It can be like tearing a sheet of paper in half….</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Well, you know the story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Jan goes back to Atlanta and is still thinking about Jim while he’s in Chicago. It’s a possibility that the soul tie created could be pulling them together. However, they prematurely entered into a covenant to which neither of them was committed. Sure they’ll probably never see each other again aside from updated status messages on Facebook, but both will have to work extremely hard when they plan to marry others. They’ll have to work to untie themselves from each other so they can enter into the ministry of marriage with other partners.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So let’s revisit the question: is it just sex? No, it’s not. Sure, some people will continue to have casual flings, but it’s important that you understand all that’s at stake: your physical <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">and</i> spiritual health. Make wise decisions y’all.</p> <!--EndFragment-->De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681229851848913579noreply@blogger.com2